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'One Minute With Dec'  

"My Emails Are Written With Good Humour And Should Be Read With A Smile"

[-The views of any contributor to 'One Minute with Dec' are not necessarily the views of Dec Cluskey-]  

"Truth - Accuracy - with no Flannel....that is our promise here at 'The Serious Writers Guild'.
But we cannot vouch for the contributions of others...
Please alert us to inaccuracies and help us maintain our high standards."
Clive Sanderson [legal dept. Serious Writers Guild] clivesanderson@makehits.com 

barbra streisand

I am quite sure I don't have to tell you that the Net was hit big time last week by a new variant of a well known virus. Sadly, this virus has the capability of appearing to be sent from a person you may know and trust.

We had a rash of folk telling us we were sending this virus....simply because the virus senders were using the name 'makehits.com' or 'makehits.co.uk'. The virus software randomly generates a gobbledegook name to put in front of the domain name.

The Email arrives telling you that your Email was not delivered...simply an alert....that is intended to clog up the whole of the Net [which it did]. The more vicious form has an attachment which can suck out your address book and replicate that alert message to every one of the addresses.

Google was brought to a halt by the number of enquiries about the virus.

To protect yourself, the advice is always: "never open an unsolicited attachment"....we absolutely NEVER send attachments unless the recipient has specifically asked [such as purchasing downloads from us].

Also - for your safety, be aware that we NEVER send anything under any address other than dec@makehits.com. So if you get anything else, that is pretending to be from us, you will know it is fake.

There are always exceptions. Of course, the members of staff have their own Email boxes under the 'makehits.com' banner but you will never hear from them unless you direct a query or question directly to them.

The main guys are: Vicci Esselle [Managing Director]    Hard at work?

Kevin Donnelly [head of I.T.], Henry Collins [editor- 'One Minute With Dec'] and Clive Sanderson [head of legal dept.]

I always suggest that to find the way to climb a mountain you have to meet someone coming back down. This means always having a mentor, guide or advisor. The members of The Serious Writers Guild have me on the end of the phone, Email, letter and fax.

Who do I have? Yes, I still have a circle of chums that I can call on. One of my favourites is Willie Crawford. Although he is strictly in Internet Marketing, I find that his ideas and strategies are spot on for the Music Business and Show Business in general....listen to this:

I told you I intended to give a major tip each week on making your lyrics much more commercial.

Try using familiar coupled words to make your toons much more instantly memorable....whaddeya meen Dec?

Well, picture 'Hotel California'. Why are the lyrics so memorable? It's chock a block full of coupled words. ’this could be heaven or this could be h*ll’....Heaven and H*ll?

Sun and moon, day and night, black and white, pretty boys, middle of the night....pink champagne .......

Of course, I wouldn't go so far as to say 'Moon in June'....whoops! But how much did Jagger and Richards make out of 'Brown Sugar'? And I just had a guy play me a track in the studio with the reference 'Hotel Room'....Coupled words? How many times have I heard them in the chart recently?

You will find this trick in all sorts of songs, intertwined, so you never notice the trick....but the Million dollar making songwriters who know this trick, use it and use it well.

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UK

2) 'LOLA'S THEME' ... SHAPESHIFTERS

3) 'SOME GIRLS' .... RACHEL STEVENS -

1) "Dry Your Eyes"..... The Streets

USA

1) "Slow Motion" ......... Juvenile Featuring Soulja Slim Cash Money

2) "Confessions Part II,"..... Usher

3) "Lean Back" ..... Terror Squad

Lou Reed, The Cure, Matt Goss, Badly Drawn Boy ... all back on the UK chart.....amazing!

LL Cool J:

The popular rapper is a good actor and thoughtful citizen. While performing at the Rock the Vote concert event at the University of Massachusetts, he told the crowd of almost 20,000 excited fans, "I'm not endorsing anybody until I meet with them face to face and they explain to me what their plans are." Maybe he knew something that the rest of the potential voters didn't. John and Elizabeth Edwards, along with daughter Cate, dropped by the event after the Democratic Convention ended just in time to catch the end of Maroon 5's set. The smiling couple announced that they are celebrating their 27th wedding anniversary. Barack Obama, the Illinois star of Tuesday night's Convention, also dropped by to catch some music and talk with the people. LL Cool J asked for a face to face meeting, but I doubt that he expected to get one so quickly.

Courtney Love: Little did we know how much the troubled performer wants to be like game show host Monty Hall, who opened and closed more doors on Let's Make a Deal than anybody else in this galaxy. Love's attorney is trying to float a deal with the prosecutors who want to make her pay for carrying around hydrocodone and oxycodone without having the required prescriptions. If convicted of the felony charges, she can end up singing to herself in jail for almost four years. Love's attorney wants the state to change the charges to misdemeanours in exchange for her pleading guilty or no contest as long as she completes the year and a half drug rehab program that she was sentenced to in a different case on Tuesday. Doesn't she have to do that anyway?

The Darkness: Britain's award-winning band is trying to gain a larger following in the United States. Front man Justin Hawkins and his friends will need to work a lot harder at it. They were scheduled to perform at the September summer concerts in New York City that will celebrate 50 Years of Rock and Roll, a choice gig that will showcase Lenny Kravitz, Velvet Revolver, The Strokes, James Brown, Bo Diddley, Alice Cooper, Ben Folds and others. A spokesperson for Miller Brewing, the company behind the event, told reporters this week that The Darkness will not return to America because they have new concerts in Europe and studio work that will keep them busy. Imagine if The Beatles had skipped the Ed Sullivan Show to play in Liverpool instead. Point made!

"Dear Dec,

I am a member of the serious writers guild STR 05****30W

I am interested in the offer you had regarding setting up your own publishing business. I have just finished working on a track. It is a Summer Anthem, with a lot of energy. Everybody who's heard it loves it. It has got a very catchy chorus.

The vocalist is superb and the production is great. I have implemented many of your suggestions from the serious writers guild.

I would certainly appreciate any tips you could provide on which companies we could contact regarding this type of song.

Have you ever heard of a company called C******* Ltd, they claim that for a small fee, that they will play your tune to the reps within the industry. That is if they think it's good enough. Any thoughts?

I am not interested in performing this track, but in finding an established artist who needs a hit song - guaranteed.

P**** B*****"

My Reply:

All sounds very exciting.....

A couple of points worry me....you have not got the Publishing Company in place? Uh Huh! www.makehits.co.uk/publishing.htm is where you should look.

You don't say it is a sure fire hit and would knock Beyonce or Black Eyed Peas off the top of the chart any day?

You say that everyone you play it to is knocked out....that usually means your immediate family and friends plus your kids' friends....unfortunately they simply 'patronize' - they would not go out and buy it! In preference to The Darkness?

There are many companies who will supposedly 'shop' a track around....I have no faith in any of them as I know they [mostly] are simply business ventures and go through the motions.

A Potential Hit is a Potential Hit and provided you have everything in place, as in the releases, then you have no worries whatever.....Record Companies are crying out for Hit material....but it has to be that - Total Hit Material.

The method that works is well set out in 'How to Make A $Million From Your Music'....you say you have implemented 'many' of the methods...why not implement them all? That way you will get success.

Tragically, there is no one who can 'do it for you', P****.....it is blooming hard work and you have to do it yourself.

Are you testing the track in local clubs/dance places? Have you a band of gorgeous looking performers [not musicians!] in place doing 2/3 PA's a night around the clubs? Is the band regularly gigging? Have you 'sold out' signs everywhere they perform? Have you queues down the street? Have you a database/fanbase of 37,000+? Are you selling white label 'soon to be released' special edition versions in your county wide record stores, with supporting posters?

When you can write a gobsmacking exciting letter to Record Companies telling them that all that is happening and you are selling 2,000 + a week in merchandising and local stores...then, provided YOU look the 'business' and behave in a totally business-like, exciting way....then success is assured?

Anything less does not work!  There is no such thing as 'luck', or 'contacts', or someone else doing it for you....trust me!

Regards

DEC [Cluskey] dec@makehits.com

Regards

Dec

You may use any part of this 'One Minute' in your own publications...we simply require you to add:

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'One Minute With Dec' is written each week by Dec Cluskey. Dec's advice?

Get in touch personally to discuss what you want to achieve in music dec@makehits.com <mailto:dec@makehits.com>

web: www.makehits.com <http://www.makehits.com> or call +44 (0)1323.728005

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With Women You Just Cant Win:

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd really love to be ten again" she replied wistfully.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, got up, made her a nice big bowl of Frosties and then took her off to their local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald's where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.

Then it was off to the cinema to see the latest blockbuster, complete with a hot-dog, popcorn, a big fizzy drink, and huge bag of M&M's, her favourite sweets.

What a time she had!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well, Darling, what was it like being ten again?" Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

"You f______g idiot", she replied. "I meant my dress size...................."

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he's still going to get it wrong.

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