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The Archive - '2'
A FREE service from 'The
Serious Writers Guild' at MAKEHITS.COM
Written by Dec Cluskey with a little bit of help from his friends.

This Email first mailed to all Members of 'The Serious Writers Guild' and subscribers to 'One Minute With Dec' on
24 NOVEMBER 04
Want to apply to join 'The Serious Writers Guild' and receive the award winning ten month program: "How To Make A $Million From Your Music" now?
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=================================
'One Minute With Dec'
"My Emails Are Written With Good Humour And Should Be Read With A Smile"
[-The views of any contributor to 'One Minute with Dec' are not necessarily the views of Dec Cluskey-]
"Forty is the old age of youth - fifty is the youth of old age"
MENU:
No - I haven't died and gone to
Heaven!
Trouble on the Net?
Have you got your Beema yet?
Check out John Waterman's 'Bandit A&R Newsletter'
Tickets to the biggest Show Biz Ball of the year?
A good thought from a good Guru
Success Stories
Charts
Chart Comment
Celebrity SectionSubscriber's Section
No - I
haven't died and gone to Heaven!
It seems the whole of the music world goes into panic when I miss a few weeks of 'One Minute With Dec'.
Truth is you haven't heard from me, in fact very few have during the past few weeks. I was persuaded to take a break down at our Costa Del Sol quarters. And yes, I ended up taking the whole team with me....their idea, not mine. The first time we have closed our operation for 9 years.....am I generous or what? In fact, one of them is still out there...I wonder if she will ever come back? Another has asked for leave to go back in December...I'm too soft as a boss.
Nice thing is I got a lot of writing done .... so expect some dynamite stuff in the near future. I also needed time to think. You find, in our music business, that business cracks on at 2,000 miles a second. You end up chasing your tail and seeming to get little done. By consciously stopping yourself dead, and forcing yourself to relax for a couple of weeks, the real pace of life comes back. Suddenly the days are quite long again and you even have to ask yourself what you are going to do this afternoon to fill the time. I have not had that luxury for a long time.
Before I left we broke our record for Emails in one day. You will know that I pride myself in attending to every Email that is addressed to me. We had 518 in one single day and I attended to every one! Now that is what I call being busy! So I needed a rest.
Trouble on the Net?
If you have a serious music business [and you should!] then you can't help but have noticed the increase in Virus, spam and spyware in the past months. It is almost out of control. Be desperately careful of the nslite.dll premium rate dialler [also called money spider etc.] which will hide deep within your 'Downloaded Program Files' in your 'Windows' file on Drive 'C'. Norton will not delete it. You must manually delete it.
It is interesting that when a web site owner does not renew his subscription to pay for his site for a further year / two years then a porn operation will take over and distribute this parasite. So, be careful in clicking on unknown or unrecognised links.
The remedy to all this grief?
The best advice I can give is to be with a good quality 'real' business provider. We use Mistral Internet. Just call them and mention The Serious Writers Guild +44 1273.747432 ... or www.mistral.net
Why do mindless morons cause such havoc on the Net? Beats me.
"An angry person is seldom reasonable - a reasonable person is seldom angry!"
Okay, having the best business Internet Provider is a great start. However I would recommend:
1) Norton 2005 Internet Security Pack [an upgrade from the normal Norton anti-virus]
2) Ad-Aware SE Personal [one of the most powerful anti Spy Ware programs]
3) Spy-Bot Search and Destroy [believe it or not this will find the stuff Norton and Ad-Aware does not find]
4) AShampoo Win Optimizer Suite [this will further clean and optimise your system]
5) Windows Update [keep this icon on your desktop with the others for a weekly MOT service of your system]
All our systems are scrupulously clean [we have massive commercial protection systems in place as well] but adopting that method above, with those software programs, showed up 175 parasites hidden deep in our computers. Not dangerous, but slowing things, nicking things and ultimately a danger to our security.
Have you got your Beema yet?
Members of The Serious Writers Guild at www.makehits.com will understand why I joke and smile about BMW's. It simply shocks me how many music guys join the Guild and suddenly are driving around in BM's......two this week alone [see the success stories]

Yes - I do like my BMW's
Check out John Waterman's 'Bandit A&R Newsletter'
I was quite shocked when I had sight of two 'song critiques' from another music web site. The guy has paid out good money to have his stuff listened to ... but he got one sheet of paper with a couple of short 'standard' type paragraphs that anyone could write. Of course there was the inevitable 'leads' sheet .... do be careful. The only one I recommend...full of info on what the studios, managements and production companies are looking for. Run by my pal John...and I know the dedication involved in producing it....he works extremely hard, he's available on the phone and he is just so nice. He'll send you a sample issue: bandit.76@aweber.com and just say Dec sent you. Ask for a free sample.
Tickets to the biggest Show Biz Ball of the year?
This Sunday sees the biggest Show Biz bash of the year in the UK. The Water Rats Ball. Lots of 'One Minute' guys and members of The Serious Writers Guild are going. A chance to rub shoulders with the biggest names in the Business....yes, really rub shoulders...it's a massive black tie party. At The Grosvenor House, Park Lane, London, UK. Of course I am a Past King Rat and a councillor.....a Trustee for 20 years plus.
I have arranged that 'One Minute' guys and members of The Serious Writers Guild can be seated together. A good chance for networking. Simply call Gary or Liz at 020.7278.3248 and say Dec said you could have tickets. Gary can give details of special rates at prestigious hotels to stay in London overnight....even The Grosvenor itself. Make it a special night - or weekend?
A good thought from a good Guru [applies directly to marketing your music]:
A thought re. marketing your music to your database:
Market more often to your customer base - much more often. Hardly anyone stays in touch with existing and past customers often enough. They think they might be "bothering" their clientele by letting them know about new products, opportunities to buy before a price increase,
success stories of other customers like them, and so on.
Nope, it's not so. On the contrary, staying in touch ensures that you stay in the awareness of people who have done business with you before, so that when they need you again, they come to you rather than go to your competitors.Marcia Yudkin <marcia@yudkin.com>
If you run any kind of proper music business [and you should!] you can learn a lot from Marcia.
Support Fellow 'One Minute guys?
"Dear Stone Cat Fans,
Thank you for your continued support!
We're glad to announce we'll be on the RIVER HOMEGROWN SHOW along with their featured artist, Lost Parade, Sunday, November 28th from 9-10pm CST.
For those of you NOT in the st louis, mo area, you can listen online at www.wvrv.com
It would also help if you could request our song "HAPPY" to Ken Williams at rhgboy@charter.netIt looks as though we may become the RIVERS feature artist within the coming months, so stay tuned and please keep requesting our song every time you get online..... oh, you can also call and request our song at (314) 969-0101 or from IL (618) 399-0101. Thanks again for supporting your local musicians! We love you all!
Sincerely,
Stone Cat
Niki, Mark, Jeff & Chad
www.stonecatband.com "
=================================
USA [my thanks to Charles in the USA for supplying this]
(1) My Boo, Usher And Alicia Keys
(2) Drop It Like It's Hot, Snoop Dogg Featuring Pharrell
(3) Lose My Breath, Destiny's Child
UK
1)
GIRLS ALOUD - 'I'LL STAND BY YOU'
2) DESTINY'S CHILD - 'LOSE MY
BREATH'
3) LEMAR - 'IF THERE'S ANY
JUSTICE'
Download Chart
(1) 'Vertigo' - U2 Island
(2)
'What You Waiting For' - Gwen Stefani Universal 4
(3) 'Lose My Breath' - Destiny's Child
Chart Comment:
Destiny's Child make it on both sides of the pond - and the download chart?
The recording and subsequent splash premiere of the new Band Aid 20 recording has made its fair share of headlines and has of course pretty much killed off any of the usual fun speculation about what will be the Christmas Number One. I'll reserve full judgement on the track until it is actually released. Any attempt to recreate the exact feeling of the original was destined to fail and the new version just comes across as a juddering corporate mess in comparison. Not that it makes it a bad record of course.
In
the UK, how about U2 suffering the indignity of becoming the second single in
three weeks to drop from Number One to outside the Top 5, 'Vergito' plummeting
to Number 7. It its place is a record from a group who finally break what was
rapidly becoming something of a chart hoodoo. Yes, Girls Aloud may have
confounded all expectations by developing what is now turning into a long
running chart career after having been created in the glare of publicity by
reality TV.
James Brown: This little item out of Augusta, Georgia reminds me of the time I learned that turkeys can't fly by watching WKRP in Cincinnati when someone dropped hundreds of turkeys out of a helicopter to celebrate Thanksgiving Day and the doomed missiles landed on unsuspecting citizens in a shopping centre below. On Monday, the Godfather of Soul dropped off 1,000 turkeys for his annual charity to help feed the needy. Brown sang with a gospel band and told the folks to enjoy their meal. He had to orchestrate the event on Monday because he will leave Augusta on Wednesday for a trip to Canada. "WKRP" fans can listen to the classic turkey mishap at the Drop Site.
Bob Dylan: If you have a relative or friend who works as a translator for the C.I.A. or United Nations, make sure that you invite him or her over to your house to watch 60 Minutes on CBS, Sunday night (December 5) at 7pm. Bob Dylan allowed Ed Bradley to join him on tour in Northampton, Mass. so that the CBS veteran could interview him about his career and book, a memoir titled "Chronicles Volume One." Their session will air during the program, but without a network translator available to explain what the legendary songwriter said.
Subscriber's Section:
This is how a great story started......the guy became a member of The Serious Writers Guild and even travelled over from the USA to Eastbourne in the UK to have lunch with me....now he is even appearing on TV.
"
Hello. I am interested
in joining The Serious Writer's Guild
but I have a question and do not know
who to forward it to. I have an extreme visual
impairment and cannot read print. I am able to use the computer via a
speech reading application which converts text into audible speech. Are the
materials available on either electronic text format, (Microsoft Word file for
example), or on tape etc?
If you could give me
any information, that would be superb.
Regards, C******
S*****.
MY REPLY
C******
I have a very good pal, Shel Talmy, here in ancient days with me and me bruvver!
He produced my first hit ever, he went on to produce The Who, The Kinks etc. etc. He spoke to me by phone when I recorded his contribution to the two Interactive CD's of 'One Minute With Dec - The First Annual'. Do a search on his name and you will get to his site.
The interesting thing about Shel is that his eyes were never
good and nowadays he is almost completely blind. However he still produces and
he has adapted nicely to all the computer programmes which are available. As you
have.
We are actively getting ready to record 'How To Make A £Million
From your Music'. The interactive audio CD's which we just did for 'The First
Annual' was a trial run...and it works beautifully.
The 10 month audio program 'The Art Of Live Performing' has become an Industry Standard manual on having success performing in our ultra 'visual' orientated music world. www.liveperforming.com . This is available in download form, CD form and hard copy. We get equal requests for it in each format. We are particularly fond of the CD version....I really enjoyed recording it with my pals.
I don't know how you read from the computer screen but you obviously can, somehow. Your text to audio software must be fabulous?
We will take all steps necessary to get the material to you in a form you can use.
We have subscribed you to 'One Minute With Dec' each Sunday in your in-box.DEC
[Cluskey]
dec@makehits.co.uk
"rich dad, poor dad"
Regards
Dec
You may use any part of this 'One Minute' in your own publications...we simply require you to add:
Start ============
'One Minute With Dec' is written each week by Dec Cluskey. Dec's advice?
Get in touch personally to discuss what you want to achieve in music
dec@makehits.comweb:
www.makehits.com or call +44 (0)1323.728005Finish===========
============================================
The gags: [Don't kill me for this one!]
A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A long Black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a pit-bull on a leash. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single file.
The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog.
"I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you,but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single file. Whose funeral is it?"
The man replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my
wife." .... "What
happened to her?"
The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."
He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second
hearse?"
The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when
the dog turned on her."
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men......"Can I borrow the dog?"
"Join the queue"
============================================
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Heard enough, want to apply to join 'The Serious Writers Guild' and receive the award winning ten month program: "How To Make A $Million From Your Music" now?
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Dec Cluskey
The Serious Writers Guild,
Stanton Prior,
Darley Road,
Meads,
Eastbourne BN20 7UH in the UK
Email: dec@makehits.com
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http://www.makehits.com/oneminarchive241104.htm -- Revised: 24 NOVEMBER 2004 Copyright © 2004 MAKEHITS. All
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