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'One Minute With Dec'

The widest read, 'delivered to your Email box', weekly music Ezine on the Music Net.

The Archive - '2'

A FREE service from 'The Serious Writers Guild' at MAKEHITS.COM

Written by Dec Cluskey with a little bit of help from his friends.

We do not condone any Music Scam on the Net

This Email first mailed to all Members of 'The Serious Writers Guild' and subscribers to 'One Minute With Dec' on

23 March 05

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=================================

'One Minute With Dec'

"My Emails Are Written With Good Humour And Should Be Read With A Smile"

[-The views of any contributor to 'One Minute with Dec' are not necessarily the views of Dec Cluskey-]

" Do not ask people to do what you are not willing to do yourself"

phillip c mcgraw

MENU:

A Businessman is simply a problem solver!

Beware Music Sites on the Net

Talking of dodgy deals

A call from Engelbert

The 3rd of the ten best ways of making Dosh

A Radio Mic. to die for

Some frightening figures as regards record releases [I borrowed these figures]:

'Mad About Music' in Brighton, UK?

Success Stories

Charts

Chart Comment

Subscriber's Section

The Gags

A Businessman is simply a problem solver!

The more I go through my Show Biz. career the more I realise that that statement is extremely true. I seem to spend all day solving problems. Mind you, Lew Grade, the TV mogul and Show Biz. giant, was famous for saying: "I'm bored, give me a good problem...then I'll be happy".

We have had an engineer working at our offices for two and a half days rigging a wireless network for the computers. Easy? I would have thought so...he reckoned half an hour would see it up and running. He finished yesterday while I was out and about saying his company would invoice us. Meanwhile he had taken two recently installed pieces of equipment out of our circuits and replaced them with one [which he expects us to pay for]. Today....guess what? Nothing in the Network will work....whoops! Problem? Yep! So, sorry about delays recently!

Beware Music Sites on the Net.

I was alerted to a site on the Net which has a remarkably similar flavour to our sites. Except that it is simply a single sales page. There is too much similarity to be coincidence. So I bought the 'program' on offer...at the knock down price...you know the deal? Paid by Pay Pay as they requested. I wanted to check they weren't nicking our material. I waited....and waited.....and waited.....and waited.....

Then I got a mail shot [personalised to Vicci] asking me to buy at yet another knock down price.

So I Emailed them [not the same Email address, by the way!]:

"Some weeks ago I paid for your course by Pay Pal .... the payment was confirmed by Pay Pal and receipt issued.

Since then I have not heard one word!

I find it very odd as you now Email us with the name of our Managing Director [Vicci Esselle]."

Just to show how true this is...here is the Pay Pal receipt. Cut and Pasted from Paypal account activity:

All Activity - Advanced View from 13 Feb. 2005 to 15 Mar. 2005

Date Type To/From Name/Email Status Details Action Gross Fee Net Amount Balance

22 Feb. 2005 Payment To P******* M********* Publishing Completed Details -$97.00 USD $0.00 USD -$97.00 USD $67.09 USD

I have blotted out the name for legal reasons. I then got another Email from someone totally different:

"Please let us know

#1- Which item you ordered

#2- Which version (physical or instant download)

#3- The name of the person that the order was plced under and the date the order was placed.

Thank you

M*** M****** Customer Service"

He probably wants my hat size and inside leg measurement and dietary requirements!!!! You pay for something, you get it...easy? I thought that is the way it all works.

For legal reasons I cannot name the site but if you get in touch personally I can send you their mail shot .... all quite outrageous. So be careful of Internet based music sites that have not been around for a while....dodgy! By the way, I got another mailshot from them .... but no products. A lot different to the transparent way that The Serious Writers Guild is run. Check our sites....start with www.makehits.com

Talking of dodgy deals:

I bought an item on Ebay on 23rd Feb. ... still haven't got it! Am I worried? Just another problem. The guy is extremely active on Ebay ... but doesn't seem to like sending goods when they are paid for.

And talking of more dodgy deals:

Be careful when dealing with gold [well, you do...don't you?]. There is a lot of dodgy stuff around at the moment. Here is an interesting fact paragraph.

24K gold is pure gold.

18K gold contains 18 parts gold and 6 parts of one or more additional metals, making it 75% gold.

14K gold contains 14 parts gold and 10 parts of one or more additional metals, making it 58.3% gold.

12K gold contains 12 parts gold and 12 parts of one or more additional metals, making it 50% gold.

European Markings European gold jewellery is marked with numbers that indicate their percentage of gold, such as:

18K gold is marked 750 to indicate 75% gold 14K gold is marked 585 for 58.5% 12K gold is marked 417 for 41.7%

A call from Eng.

My pal Engelbert Humperdinck has just called. He is in Eastbourne tonight and insists the family join him and Pat. So we will sit and watch the great man sing to the blue rinses! Then back to The Grand Hotel. He is moaning that the tour, with 60 crew, three trucks and two tour buses is costing a fortune....then he couldn't face the journey from Leicester to Eastbourne by car...so he hired a helicopter. He'll certainly get a ribbing from me tonight! I tell you, he has some stamina...the tour runs to next February....includes Europe, Asia and Vegas....incredible. Catch the show when it comes to town...he is the consummate 'easy' performer. [P.S. I am not going out with him again! This P.S. is written the next morning and I am extremely ill! Red Wine? Great fun though . We have a 'hoot' together.]

The 3rd of the ten best ways of making Dosh

I just know I am going to get a lot of flack for this, the 3rd way to finance a career in music while you are learning your craft.

When Donald Trump was asked what he would do if he lost absolutely every cent he had. He replied: "I would immediately start in Network marketing".

Let me tell you that I have lost everything 4 times in my life. And talk to any successful guy and he will tell you the same story! The difference with us guys is that we get up the next day and start afresh....we are not afraid to lose! The last time I lost everything [in the big property crash in the UK 1989] I was lucky enough to talk to guys who were involved in Network Marketing or MLM [Multi Level Marketing] Now don't shriek in horror. I met loads of muso's, top recording guys, top session musicians, pals from 60's bands...all making lots of dosh....easily! When I found out that 70% + of the world's products have got a Multi Level Marketing element, I was fascinated.

John Tartol [keyboard player with Rose Royce] gave me the best advice I have ever had about money and making it [when you are broke, especially]. Then I discovered that my oldest pal in Show Biz [Ossie Osmond....Barron who started The Barron Knights] had pulled himself up from being a beach bum in New Zealand when he retired from the band and lost everything managing a Rock Band. His wife Ronnie was a pal of mine from touring Australia...and what a story they told. Absolutely loaded now!

Check out www.futurepositive.net then simply get back to me at 3rdmethod@makehits.com or call the office on 01323.728005 from overseas +44. 1323.728005

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
Billy Wilder

A Radio Mic. to die for.

Our member Ian Warrener, who has really taken the 'sound' world by storm with his 'Nightfire' range of equipment , let me have the latest in his ever increasing range of gear to check out. A gorgeous Bardi UHF radio mic. I have now used it and boy, was I impressed.

Plus points:

Simple one switch silent on/off operation .... Phenomenal Range ..... Precise SM58 Industry Standard reproduction ... Stunning build quality [good weight in hand/good weight balance]..... Love the infra red frequency auto seek..... Speed of delivery...excellent .... Attention to customer ... Excellent and loved the impressive list of other products included in pack.

Pricing is also excellent ... check Ian's site or just call him ... say you read 'One Minute'

Tel; +44(0)1909474977 www.pa-direct.co.uk mailto:iannightfire@pa-direct.co.uk

Some frightening figures as regards record releases [I borrowed these figures]:

According to Soundscan, there were 39,000 records released in the United States last year. This figure only includes records reported to the Valley District Database, which is the beginning of the Soundscan chain. It doesn’t include the record you made to sell at gigs, or that charming “Love Songs of the Aeolian Flute” CD you see advertised on late night TV. These 39,000 records were released on bona fide labels, that do business through major distributors.

77% of all the records released sold 999 copies or less.

52 records, representing only .13% (point one three percent) of the total released, accounted for 37% of the total Soundscanned sales volume.

What does this mean to us, particularly if we’re hoping for a major label contract?

30,030 records released sold less than 999 copies. 8,970 sold 1,000 or more. Your chance of having a record that sells more than 999 copies is one in four, or 25%. Not too bad so far.

Your chance of being one of the 52 records that accounted for 37% of all sales is 1 in 750, or .0013. Your chance of having a substantial hit is 1 chance in every 750 records released. Dismal, isn’t it?

And that’s not even looking at the fact that most of those 52 records have at least three hit singles coming off them, and shoot for six or seven. If you factor that in, your chances of having a hit single drop to 1 out of every 3,000-5,000 records released, because your lone single is competing with the 200-500 singles those 52 records account for through the year.

'Mad About Music' in Brighton, UK?

If you missed my seminars on last Saturday and Sunday, you missed a treat. The reaction was scary...I was in shock. Lovely audience who appreciated the no-nonsense 'Real Tools of the Trade' talk. Presentation was awesome! In PowerPoint.

We are cleaning up the recordings at the moment and they will be available almost immediately. The pack will include full program and the PowerPoint file.

"It's hard to soar with the eagles when you hang out with the turkeys."

Success Stories:

[I only print one of the hundreds I receive]

"I really started earning money with songs, productions and remixes. I learned a lot - thanks to you! My remix payment is now 2000 € per remix. That's great for the start! I want to increase it to 5000 € per remix this year. That will be a lot of fun!! Florian Arndt [Germany]"

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Charts:

USA [my thanks to Charles in the USA for supplying this]

(1) Candy Shop, 50 Cent Featuring Olivia

(2) Boulevard Of Broken Dreams, Green Day

(3) Disco Inferno, 50 Cent

1) TONY CHRISTIE ft PETER KAY - '(IS THIS THE WAY TO) AMARILLO'

2 ) MCFLY - 'ALL ABOUT YOU/YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND'

3) ELVIS PRESLEY - 'SHE'S NOT YOU'

UK Download Chart [now the most important chart in the UK]

(1) McFly : All About You

(2) 'Dakota' - Stereophonics

(3) Kaiser Chiefs : Oh My God

"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, 'Good morning Lord,'
And there are those who wake up in the morning and say, 'Good Lord, it's morning.'"

Chart Comment:

Has anyone noticed what a force 'Shady' AKA Emminem has become in Record Companies....got the Number One and the Number Three this week in The States. Guess he proves what I say? Credibility won't pay the rent but dollars will!

In the UK, Tony Christie,

a long time pal of mine, is having a frantic time! Although never quite in the same league as the likes of Englebert Humperdinck or Tom Jones, the singer had a brief flowering of fame in the early 1970s going Top 10 in 1971 with murderers lament 'What I Did For Maria'. After the hits and bookings dried up he retired to Spain but his kitsch appeal remained, no better illustration of this being his 1999 comeback when Pulp's Jarvis Cocker wrote 'Walk Like A Panther' for him, his guest vocals on the All Seeing I hit helping to take the track to Number 10. Another celebrity fan of his is comedian Peter Kay who for a long time has used his 1971 Number 18 hit '(Is This The Way To) Amarillo' as a kind of unofficial theme song, playing the sing-along classic at the start of live concerts to rev the crowd up.

For a long time there was talk of cashing in on this by re-releasing the track. All that was needed was the opportunity. Enter the Comic Relief appeal for which Kay filmed a new video for the track which features him miming to the track whilst a galaxy of stars appear marching behind him (Christie himself making a brief cameo appearance). The premiere of the video was easily one of the highlights of the TV appeal last week and when the single was released last Monday a massive sale was pretty much assured. So it is that 34 years after he first recorded it, 'Amarillo' gives Tony Christie a very welcome Number One hit. For the second week running Comic Relief provides the biggest selling single of the week and for the second week in a row as well the Number One hit becomes the fastest selling single of the year, sales of the track having soared well into six figures in a welcome change from the miserable levels we have witnessed since January. Peter Kay gets a chart credit on the single but his sole contribution is his starring role in the video (featured neatly on the DVD single) - quite rightly the plaudits have gone to Tony Christie and the return of his long lost classic. All together now: sha-la-la la la la la la.

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
Moses Hadas

Subscriber's Section:

Here's an interesting one from a 'starter' in our game....fascinating.....

Hi Dec

Quickie (1) re. performing to backing tracks - my initial idea for promotional concerts was to have all the music/backing vocals
and sound effects on mini disc, and then to actually sing my lead vocal live. However, I then wondered if I ought to pre-record
my lead vocal onto the backing track, and simply mime and dance/act to that lead vocal, therefore not exhausting my voice.

My question is: is miming to my own pre-recorded lead vocal acceptable (to an audience); or is it taken that the lead vocals
will HAVE to be sung live over pre-recorded backing music?

Quickie (2) - I was thinking of starting of my show with a (not particularly famous, but incredibly strong, punchy) cover version
of my favourite up-tempo number by Genesis ('Land of Confusion') - I can act/mime/actually sing it with great gusto to open
a show - as this would therefore help me to kick off a show with real confidence and energy.

Is starting a show with a cover a good idea, prior to then launching into my own album tracks whose CD I'll have for sale at the show?

Many thanks - very much appreciated ... G****

My Reply:

G****

>>>>>simply mime and dance/act to that lead vocal, therefore not exhausting my voice.<<<<<<

You will be found out very quickly, especially in smaller venues...where you almost always have to start! It is impossible to exhaust a voice...a voice is a muscle which gets better and better with exercise. Like any moving part it needs lubrication. One small glass of Port before it is required to work will lubricate it beautifully...but too much Port will drown the workings!

>>>>>>is starting a show with a cover a good idea, prior to then launching into my own album tracks whose CD I'll have for sale at the show?<<<<<

Absolutely ...

But...
Make sure that it is a 'known' cover...the song you mention is not known...you like it! It happens to be a favourite of yours not the whole audience! The criterion is whether 100% of the audience know it and jump to it. BUT make sure it is not just a 'cover'...it has to have your individual stamp on it.

A great trick is to choose a girl song [if you are a fella] and a fella's song if you are a girl....OK, I know you are a fella [grin!]

That way there can be no comparison with the original. Also - pick a different instrumentation. If the original is guitar based, then use a lot of synths and samples. If it is a synth type song, then use guitars.

Adding massive vocal arrangement and samples immediately brings it totally up to date and makes it different...it makes it 'your own', no matter what instrumentation you use. It could also make it a 'hit'.

Regards

DEC dec@makehits.co.uk

"Do the common thing in an uncommon way"

booker t washington

Regards

Dec

You may use any part of this 'One Minute' in your own publications...we simply require you to add:

Start ============

'One Minute With Dec' is written each week by Dec Cluskey. Dec's advice?

Get in touch personally to discuss what you want to achieve in music dec@makehits.com

web: www.makehits.com or call +44 (0)1323.728005

Finish===========

============================================

The gags: [Willie is busy again!]

The Brothel:

Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street.

They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."

Then they saw a Rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation as well."

Then they see a Catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be dying."

============================================

How to set up a Demo consultation with Dec?

The Professional service the Professionals use. Even available for voice and guitar!

Simply get in touch by Email - click this link: demo@makehits.co.uk and tell me that you want to send your material for a full critique and appraisal. We will then send you a unique PIN number to put on your letter or Jiffy Bag. This will ensure you get immediate attention. This is also for security reasons. We do not open unsolicited Jiffy Bags.

For full details click on this link: www.makehits.co.uk/demo.htm

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Dec Cluskey
The Serious Writers Guild,
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Eastbourne BN20 7UH in the UK
Email: dec@makehits.com

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