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The Archive - '2'
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Serious Writers Guild' at MAKEHITS.COM
Written by Dec Cluskey with a little bit of help from his friends.

This Email first mailed to all Members of 'The Serious Writers Guild' and subscribers to 'One Minute With Dec' on
12 JAN 05
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'One Minute With Dec'
"My Emails Are Written With Good Humour And Should Be Read With A Smile"
[-The views of any contributor to 'One Minute with Dec' are not necessarily the views of Dec Cluskey-]
"Humorist Will Rogers said, "It ain’t bragging if you done it."
MENU:
What an honour?
A piano sound to die for?
The most important thing he did?
Do you fit the bill?
The way the big boys plan for the coming year?
Help fellow 'One Minute' guys?
Our new database system is settling down
A lot of clever stuff from a great guru:
Success Stories
Charts
Chart Comment
Subscriber's Section
The Gags
The hottest comedy program to hit UK TV has been 'Little Britain'. I must say I am not a TV watcher...but I just have to watch that program. Voted the Number One comedy program in the UK. What a shock when my band got a great mention on there. Always in fun, but hey! Being mentioned on 'Little Britain' this week...fair brought a tear to my eye!
A piano sound to die for?
I was asked to do a little consultancy on soundproofing a studio for a couple of mega Hip Hop guys the other day. The news wasn't good about the sound proofing. It would have meant a 'floating room' inside the space they had....a horrific cost. Best advice was a curfew at 10pm and use good quality headphones [they already have Industry Standard DT100's]. But I was quite taken aback by how 'old hat' their piano sound was. Since Elton John created that crashing style of playing, piano sounds have evolved exponentially. The latest generation of piano, say, Scissor Sisters: 'Mary, Mary' is to die for?
So how is it done?
The secret is compression. Plus knowing that the 'crashing' sound is achieved by really pushing the frequencies around 2,500-3,000HZ. Yes, we all know that to make a sound have more 'top' then it is wise to decrease the amount of low frequency. But to achieve a 'today' piano sound it is essential to preserve the bottom end for those monstrous low octaves but still have that ear splitting hard middle. The guys were using Protools with a favourite of all Hip Hop producers: 'Bomb Factory' compressor card. A nice bit of kit for vocals but sadly lacking for the much sought after piano sound. By using the 'Bomb Factory' twice in line, in other words double compressing, with all the knobs to maximum, we just about got there.
Just about?
I have to say, that with the valve compressors I use in my studio [my favourite is TLS Audio Fatman 1] the piano sound is a doddle. But digital domain compressors are too 'nice'. To compress you have to really CTF... and members of my Serious Writers Guild know what those initials stand for.
Once you have heard what can be achieved by really pushing the high mid frequencies, then sending as much input into the compressor, as you dare, and having the output at a normal level...plus the compression ratio really high...then it is important to 'play the sound'. What do I mean by that?
Have the sound of the finished product coming through the monitors as you play, or your keyboard player plays. That will encourage the use of those massive octaves and really strident single notes. Just remember that you cannot over do it! There is never such a thing as being 'over commercial'. I would have to say that the guys were shocked when they saw and heard the sound I got from their 'ordinary' piano sound.
Just a final warning:
Be careful that a proper piano player will not convince you that you are being 'over the top'. You see, proper players like the 'real' sound. But sadly, 'real' sound rarely makes Hit records...it is the 'unreal' sound that will always grab the attention. You have to get the sound of Elton [with 'Blue'], Coldplay, Keane and now Scissor Sisters and get a totally 'over the top' sound.
Do you fit the bill?
The way the big boys plan for the coming year?Relentless records the label that brought you Joss Stone is looking for singers in 2005.
If you are an afro-Caribbean male vocalist and between 25 and 35 years old, come to the Birmingham [UK] audition:
17th January 2005 - 11am - 3pm, Robannas studios, Cliveland Street, Birmingham, UK
Tel: 0121 333 3201
Contact: Errol Lawson (07841986379). Auditions organised by higher level music ltd
Kevin Wilke kevinwilke@nitromarketing.com is a good model to follow:
Help fellow 'One Minute' guys?I just came back from my annual end of year retreat.
This is a time where I get away from everything, even the computer, email and the internet, lock myself up in a hotel suite (away from my normal day-to-day environment) to reflect on the past year and plan for the coming year.
Every high performance person I know has a similar ritual, one that I highly recommend modelling.
Just go to the letter I posted online at:
http://www.nitromindset.com/2005.html
Dear Stone Cat Fans,
You can get a preview of what our CD will sound like by purchasing our 3 Song EP / Demo CD for $5.99
Tracks on Demo CD include:
1. Hello Goodbye
2. My Rock-n-Roll
3. Remember Me
Click on this link to purchase now www.snipurl.com/br40 for $5.99
Sincerely, Stone Cat....Janine, Mark, Jeff & Chad www.stonecatband.com
Our new database system is settling down
After the first few hiccups, our new Emailing system is starting to work and pay dividends. If it really shows promise I will recommend it to you. Meanwhile the revamped Web Site at www.makehits.com is getting a lot of good comment. If you haven't checked it out - you should. We would value your comment and input to improve it.
A lot of guys think it is 'hard-sell', but from my experience, at the sharp end of Show Business, it is essential in our game to understand that success in our music career is only achieved by 'hard-sell'. I have never met one successful artist in my life who has got there by 'soft-sell'. You can trust me on that.
A lot of clever stuff from a great guru:
Charlotte R. Farrior:
When you leave your car headlights on overnight, what happens?
No power. You can’t get to work. You can’t even get out of the driveway. Your brain is like a car battery. If you let all the juice run down, you can’t function very well. Try one or more of these recharging exercises and see if you don’t feel better and ultimately get more accomplished.
Take a Physical Break — If you sit at a desk most of the day, get up. Walk around the block. Go to the gym after work. Exercise releases endorphins into the bloodstream. Feel the breeze on your face. When you return to your desk, not only will your body be refreshed.
Clear your Space — Nothing bogs you down more than sifting through endless stacks of papers and files to find the sticky note you wrote a phone number on. Wherever you spend a lot of time, take a minute and clean it up.
Call a Friend — work is a never-ending activity. Getting together with a friend for lunch or coffee gives your mind a rest. A light-hearted half-hour will make your day much more enjoyable.
Give Yourself to Others — We get so consumed with our lives that we sometimes forget that there are others not so fortunate. Donating your time at a charity gives you a sense of having really affected another person. Selfless acts of kindness many times are rewarded in the most unexpected ways.
Listen to Music — When was the last time you just sat and listened to music. Whether it’s Beethoven or Puff Daddy, spending time focusing on the sound and the lyrics helps you regain your focus. Let yourself get completely absorbed in the music. When things get too hectic to deal with, you can plug in, regain your focus, and return to the task at hand.
Be Thankful — Everyone has something to be thankful for. It could be your family, your home, your job. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems. Putting your life in perspective can be a great way to balance all the things your life requires.
When your brain tells you it can’t handle anything else, don’t give up. Take thirty minutes and re-focus.
You may have seen this?
If you haven't and you fancy being the lead singer of the Australian rock band INXS then you better listen up:
"Detailed information and application forms for those wishing to audition are available at www.inxs.com
Singers performing for auditions must be at least 21 years old and perform up to three songs (it is not required to perform an INXS song). Performances of original songs are encouraged, although not required. Applicants can perform with one musical instrument or an accompanist.
The successful applicants will travel to Hollywood in May 2005 for the final round of auditions.
The show is currently in pre-production in Los Angeles, with the host, judging panel and other details to be revealed early 2005.
"We are embarking on an ambitious worldwide search to find a charismatic man or woman to be the next great rock star. This new sensation wins the ultimate prize - the chance to play and be a part of a world-class rock band," said executive producer Mark Burnett."
Watch for this scam?
"Generally, I hate the warnings that get sent around, but I have to admit
that this one is important.
Please protect everyone you know by sending this to your entire email
list.If a man comes to your door and says he is conducting a survey and asks
you to show him your bum, do NOT show him your bum. This is a scam - he only
wants to see your bum.I wish I'd got this yesterday.
I feel so stupid and cheap.Have a great New Year!
Mick Lee."
Success Stories and Thank-You's:
USA [my thanks to Charles in the USA for supplying this]
(1) Let Me Love You, Mario 3rd Street
(2) 1, 2 Step, Ciara Featuring Missy Elliott
(3)Drop
It Like It's Hot, Snoop Dogg Featuring Pharrell
UK
1) ELVIS
PRESLEY - 'JAILHOUSE ROCK'
2)
'AGAINST ALL ODDS' STEVE BROOKSTEIN '
3) IRON MAIDEN - 'THE NUMBER
OF THE BEAST'
Can't believe the USA chart....Okay, USA is a big country, but the toons seem to stay around forever at the top of the chart. Bin the same Top Three for an age!
My pal Nico McBain will be chuffed with the Iron Maiden success. What a lovely guy and what a nice man and a good friend! We celebrated his last venture in the charts last year. See www.makehits.co.uk/swgintro.htm .
Elvis will be dominating the UK chart with the cleverest of marketing ploys...releasing all his chart entries in sequence so he is ensured the top spot as the 1000th Number One. Oh, by the way, I recorded an interview for Uk's Capital Gold celebrating the 1000th Number One...catch it if you can. I think it is on this Saturday, the weekend of the 1000th Number One.
And what is it with that U2 track...back on top again in the Download Chart...in a week which saw the downloads outnumber the singles bought in shops...Hmmmmm!
" Lots
of times you have to pretend to join a parade in which you're not really
interested in order to get where you're going. -"
Christopher Darlington Morley
(1890-1957)
Celebrity News:
Ricky Martin:
Nobody has to tell the salsa star that folks in the regions
devastated by the tsunami are not livin' la vida loca. He can tell that by
watching any of the heartbreaking video scenes of the tragedy that were captured
by people who survived the floods. Martin will visit Thailand this week on
behalf of his Foundation in order to see what he can do to help the children
orphaned by the waves. Last October, Martin was the featured speaker at a United
Nations luncheon. He scored the impressive gig in order to encourage governments
around the world to protect children from human trafficking, particularly the
crime of child sex tourism. The kids left without parents in Thailand and the
rest of Southeast Asia should never end up in the hands of people who plan to
use them in the international sex trade.
Subscriber's
Section:
I felt it would be good to show the reply I sent to the guy mentioned above who had such a good result with 'Bandit':
Hi Dec,
I'm doing a recording session this weekend at a acoustically treated rehearsal space. (I've checked out the room before and it's quite good.) But, they don't have any gear so I'm bringing my mics and my 24 track etc.
I don't have a snake and my XLR leads are not long enough to reach from the live room out into the room that I'll be using for the control room. I have some decent XLR leads and if I chain them together, how much noise and/or frequency loss could that introduce into the signal path?(The mics I will be using are an SM57 for the snare, two matched Rode nt5 small diaphragm condensers for the overheads, and a Shure kick drum mic.)Thank you very much! Regards,C****** S*****
Answer:
Regards
Dec
You may use any part of this 'One Minute' in your own publications...we simply require you to add:
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'One Minute With Dec' is written each week by Dec Cluskey. Dec's advice?
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The gags: [from my pal Willie Foux - again! A good laugh for The New Year ...rather rude! ]
An unhappy shopper
A middle-aged woman went to a Wal-Mart service counter and tells the clerk she wants a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The clerk tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on "special". Suddenly, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming,"PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!"
The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front of a growing crowd of customers. The manager goes to the woman and asks, "Ma'am what wrong?" She explained the problem with the toaster, and HE tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming "PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!"
And doing so draws and even bigger crowd! In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am, why are you saying that?"
In a huff, the woman says, "BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I AM BEING SCREWED!!"
The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded.
============================================
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