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'One Minute With Dec'
The widest read weekly music Ezine on the Music Net.
The Archive
A service from 'The Serious Writers Guild' at MAKEHITS.COM
Written by Dec Cluskey
This Email first mailed to all Members of 'The Serious Writers Guild' and
subscribers to 'One Minute With Dec' on 20.10.02
=================================
Latest Success from
Members of 'The Serious Writers Guild'?
"Now I know, as does
my co-writer, that the songs we've written are good enough to be big sellers,
but I've decided to go with you because:
I want the hardcore facts
I
don't want to waste my valuable time
I want to be treated personally and not
just a number
I acknowledge you've 'walked the walk'
I need access to
established artistes like Elton and Robbie and Gabrielle to pitch my songs to,
and I know you can give me that
You offer a no-risk money back guarantee
You make big claims which you're prepared to back"
Bill Robb [Serious Writers Guild Member]
=======================
"I'd like to acknowledge your contribution, generosity and
energy of your 'How to Make a Million' course and thank you for the information
and advice you've consequently already given me. I have a hit record sitting on my computer!" [Lysette
Jane - Serious Writers Guild member]
=======================
"Yep, the latest track is being fought over by Ministry of
Sound and Reign of Sound...should be quite an auction:"
[Andrew Flintham, Master Class Member]
=================================
"One Minute With Dec"
"My
Emails are written in good humour, and should be read with a
smile"
A different 'One Minute'
The whole of Show Business was devastated to hear of the
sudden collapse and death of Irving Davies this week.
Who was Irving Davies? Irving was one of the first 'pop'
choreographers. A total legend in the Business and a lovely guy [as all
top people, confident in their own talent, are].
Irving was called on to choreograph the vital Tom Jones and
Englelbert Humperdinck TV series at Elstree Studios which launched them both
onto the USA market and made them the International stars they are.
My band was also making a series at the time, at the same studios, so
we spent a lot of time together. In fact, lunchtime in the restaurant
at the studios, was always a 'hoot'. Each show was trying to out-do the
other with extravagance. It wasn't unusual to see session trumpet players
drinking pints of Champagne...think I'm kidding? Think again! They
actually had champagne on draught, so much was drunk.
Crazy times bring
tragedy:
They were crazy times...sadly including a child being knocked
down and killed by a drunken music person going home from the studios...but that
is another story.
Where do great 'lines' come
from?
In our Business there are certain lines that will blurt out in
situations - and Irving gave rise to two of the best:
1) Englebert is, and was, probably one of the worst
'movers' in our game. He won't mind me saying that, we laughed about it
over lunch last year. What a singer though! That is why he mostly
will stand stock still and let his charm and style shine through his
performance. You could learn from that yourself? Irving would
only accept the contract, to look after his series at Elstree, on the
understanding that Eng. would not 'move'.
One lunchtime, Irving arrived in the restaurant in floods of
tears, ran to the bar and ordered a treble brandy. Ross Taylor [our
choreographer, producer of 'King and I', 'Charlie Girl', 'Sound of Music' for
Petula Clark etc.] grabbed me and we comforted Irving, fearing he had suffered a
personal tragedy.
Ross asked: "What is it
Irving?"...He replied: "They promised me
faithfully she wouldn't - but she has insisted....this week she's moving,
darling, she's moving!"
The 'she', of course, was Englebert and to this day whenever
anyone in our game sees choreography being badly performed they will
automatically say: "She's moving, darling, she's
moving"......it's a kind of an 'in' thing among us lot.
2) The Tom and Englebert series were the first of the
high cost, big return ventures by Lew Grade at the time [it was Lew's brother
Leslie Grade who gave my band the lift-up in the Sixties. Lew controlled
Television and Leslie controlled agencies plus managements. Their
other brother, Bernard Delfont, controlled theatres and record
labels.]. The cost of the orchestras alone, at Elstree, would terrify a
grown man.
Incredibly, the shows
eventually flopped and Lew pulled the plug, big time.
On the day when the announcement was made there was a heavy
mood around the studios. Would the over indulgence continue? The
pints of champagne? The caviar....the lobster.
All through lunch the Englebert table was huddled in quiet
discussion. The Tannoy announcements came every few minutes for either
Englebert or Colin Berlin or Gordon Mills [strangely, Gordon was an old
mouth-organ playing pal of ours when we were kids- he managed, Tom, Englebert
and Gilbert O'Sullivan]. The mood was gloomy.
Irving came over to our table. "Is it as bad
as it seems?" asked Ross. "Put it this
way", said Irving, "Yesterday, Dom Perignon, today
she's on the Beauj." [Beaujolais red table
wine].
So at the various celebrity functions, if anyone ever asks for
red wine, some bright spark will always say the Irving line: "Oh,
she's on the Bouj.!"
Forgive me taking this valuable space to honour Irving,
probably totally unknown to you....but trust me, he was the start of everything
you see on MTV. I just had to pay that last tribute to him...a
legend. He was nominated, this year, to receive an Olivier award for his
choreography and production on the Eric and Ernie spoof show: 'A Play What I
Wrote', which is playing to rave audiences and will be in the West End
shortly.
It's all getting a little silly
now....
I'm still reeling from getting my award from Marshall....me -
one of the forty biggest contributors to music in the past forty
years...wow!
I now am asked to play at Wembley on May 10-12 next
year.....some gig. It's part of the Fender guitar exhibition. John
Brown from Fender is donating the exhibition centre for a benefit gig to help
The Grand Order Of Water Rats. The most prestigious Show Biz charity in
the world. We do need all the dosh we can get to help all those in need in
our business and also to help the many others who rely on our
generosity.
So....book early to avoid disappointment...as they
say!
By the way, if you would really like a charity to hang your
hat on, please do consider becoming a 'friend' of The Water Rats. That way
you get to become close to an organisation of guys like Brian May, Rick Wakeman,
Mike Batt, Michael Crawford, etc. etc. etc. I am a Trustee [I sign the
cheques]. Would you like to be a 'friend' of The Water Rats? Just
click on this link and send an Email asking to be a 'friend' water.rats@virgin.net Just say Dec
sent you!
Make sure you keep the money you
earn:
I want to sincerely thank Richard Wilcox, Gary, Paul, Snabbu, and Delores
[contributors to RMMS newsgroup] for confirming that proper business methods and
business style in Show Business work perfectly.
I have spent my whole
career imploring Show Business folk to have proper systems in place...do they
listen? The papers are full of show business bankruptcies, week by
week.
"It is easy to make money...it's hard to keep
it".
The most often asked question of me, from Members is: "How do
I organise off-shore accounts, secret accounts, tax affairs, good
accountancy?".
I was making £Millions per year during the
last Socialist Labour Government in the UK. I had to learn fast how to not give
it all to the Government. I had many, many UK companies, partnerships, Overseas
companies, schemes....trying to avoid 'rollover tax', 'super tax', 'wealth
tax'. All totally legal.
A
lesson to be learned: 'Wealth Tax':
'Wealth Tax' was the most punitive...for every £1 you
earned, you had to pay the government £1.12. Trust me...I was there! It was
considered morally wrong to earn more than £10,000...true, that was announced on
Television, at the time.
That is why Jagger, Tom Jones, Englebert,
Shirley Bassey, Roger Moore, Tony Hatch and many more left the country. I
was in a unique position as I was Irish....our incomes world-wide were
channelled, legitimately, through the Isle of Man and Dublin, using proxy
companies etc. It was then invested in Ireland, in racing stables, syndicates,
housing estates, travel companies, radio stations...yes, I owned 33% of Radio
Caroline...surprised? 25% of Mylerstown Stud? On the front page of
'Financial Times'? Bentley 1929 Le Mans racing 'Speed Six', last valued at
£368,000...I bought it for £2,150. The benefit, here, was that I was 'resident'
in the UK., but the money did not come into the UK.
Tax advantages in
Ireland:
'Artistes' have, for years, enjoyed tremendous tax advantage in
Ireland...ask Tony Hatch, Roger Moore, Chris De Burgh, U2...
I only say
all this to impress on Music Guys that it is all there to be 'got', if you want
it....but you must learn how to 'keep it'. If you are in this for 'fun',
then all this is of no consequence, you can disregard everything I
say.
We have always been into property in a big way (I originally read
Civil Engineering at Dublin and liked to keep my 'hand in') Those blocks of
flats and High Street office blocks generated 'un-earned income' which was
subject to 'wealth tax'. Property, today, is still the best
investment.
Where do guys get financial
advice?
Nowadays, I am flattered that if guys in the 'business' want advice they
come to me. I have no financial qualifications, other than the fact I have read
everything there is, studied with the best, borrowed systems, devised systems,
used systems from the USA, Australia, S. Africa. I will say that
Australia, in my opinion, has the best show Business accountants, UK has the
worst. I therefore have a long career at the sharp end of earning a lot,
and keeping it.
Live by three
'codes':
"It is the duty of all citizens to pay as little
tax as possible".....Harold Wilson [UK, Socialist Labour Prime
minister who tried to take all my money]
"I pay less than 6%
tax on my $Billions"....Ross Pero....legendary thorn in the side
of US Government.
"Ambition is a moral imperative".......
Rev. Jesse Jackson
In my "How to Make a
£Million from your Music", I show incredible methods of making
money from your music, but most important 'keeping money'.
In fact, I
make the statement: "if you are in Show Business and you are paying
tax, then you are doing it seriously wrong"
Why do most Show Biz guys end up
broke?
Show Business people have proved, week by week, year by year, that they
have the worst track record of making money, spending all
of it, and more - then ending up broke. I see that on a
weekly basis...I write the cheques for guys in need, in showbusiness, as Trustee
of the world's most respected show business Charity. One of our big names,
here in the UK died recently, as I said, at the time: "in the nick
of time". His widow is now left with young children - picking up
the pieces. You couldn't make it up! We all helped, but at the end
of the day, he wouldn't help himself. And he was a huge TV
earner.
Most Show Biz guys can't handle
money:
Keeping the money involves hard work in learning and
planning...which, sadly, most guys in show business can't handle...I advise, for
instance: "always open secret accounts that no one knows about, not
even your loved one". That logic goes totally over the heads of
most guys, until it is explained in detail.
I am vehemently against 'ID
cards', as the new generation of cards will dramatically improve any
Government's capability of extracting the maximum tax from high earners [aimed
at creating the cashless society and a paper trail of spending
habits]
I only have one
Company:
The fact that only one tiny business of mine [where I am a non paid
director] has been mentioned by Richard, Paul and the gang [at RMMS] is
confirmation that my systems work. That Limited Company only exists to
facilitate a tax benefit. [explained in "How to Make a £Million From your
Music"]
The full story and methods I reserve for 'The Members'...the
'killer stuff'... at www.makehits.com
Regards
DEC [resident in UK, domiciled in Ireland, mostly in
Spain with a lap-top and mobile phone, and business in 24 countries, with
accounts in ? countries, and all legal] I have to add this, for my protection in
law: 'Any financial or accounting advice given herein shall not be
construed as advice within the meaning of any laws of the UK whether existing or
proposed with regard to financial advice.'
""Happiness
is a by-product of an effort to make someone else
happy"
gretta brooker palmer
Regards
Dec
"Nature does not demand that we be perfect. It requires only
that we grow"
[josh liebman]
Tip of the week: "When you finish recording your masterpiece and it is mixed, sit
down quietly and concentrate on listening to the lead vocal whilst blocking
every other part of the track from your mind.
Is every word and every
syllable bringing over the total meaning and total emotion that it should?
Is there life and 'fun' etched in every word - if life and 'fun' should be there
[Robbie Williams, Will Smith?] Even if it is a dance anthem, if there is a vocal
present, then you have to be absolutely sure that you nod your head in agreement
with this technique [Sophie Ellis Bexter?]
The vocal is all that the record buying
public hear."
============================================
Gag of the Week [still no shortage of gags from
subscribers!]:
"A
couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife
goes
to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a
ribbon
around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring.
"Yeah right!" she
thinks.
A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring as
usual. The wife
tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Finally, muttering to
herself, she goes
to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon and ties it
carefully around the
dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring. The
woman is amazed!
Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from
being out with his
buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep, and immediately
begins snoring
loudly. The woman thinks that maybe the ribbon will work on
him too. So she
goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of ribbon, and ties
it around her
husband's testicles.
Amazingly, it also works on him!
She then sleeps soundly.
He wakes in a drunken stupor and stumbles into
the bathroom. As he stands in
front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror
and sees a blue ribbon
attached to his privates. He is very confused, and as
he walks back into the
bedroom, he sees a red ribbon attached to his dog's
testicles.
He shakes his head and looks at the dog and says, "I don't
know where we
were or what we did but, by damn, we took 1st and 2nd
place!"
============================================
Recommended Books from
Members:
"Black Vinyl, White Powder" Simon Napier-Bell ISBN
009188092-0
"I Wish I Was Me" Pete Waterman ISBN 0-7535
0573-8
"Richard Branson - The Authorised Biography" Mick Brown ISBN
0-7472-3216-4
"How to Have a No.1 Hit and What to Do if You
Don't"
=====================================================
SPONSOR
www.secure-song.com
Make sure you mention Dec and Makehits for best
service.
Secure Song International is a London based organisation, which
operates a copyright register for songwriters & composers and also a unique
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Built into the copyright registration is a unique credit code
system, which eliminates any disputes over writer credits by indicating each
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Secure Song International has taken away all the worry regarding
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Their A/R department have developed a unique ‘in’ with the Music
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They added: “we’re here to help in anyway we can, but
we strongly advise once you’ve written and recorded you register,
write-record-register, that’s our safety code, to many
talented writers have ended up in costly disputes, which they cannot afford to
fight."
www.secure-song.com
Make sure you mention Dec and Makehits for best
service.
======================================
Heard enough, want to apply to join 'The Serious Writers Guild'
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When you sign up I'll tell you EXACTLY how to go about recommending this
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Dec Cluskey
The Serious Writers Guild,
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Darley Road,
Meads,
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Email: dec@makehits.com
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