So, we're back to normal again....the 'One Minute With Dec' Emails will be with you each Sunday until my next major trip abroad.

Well my band has done it again...The Queen's Royal Jubilee celebrations are the biggest thing seen in the UK for 50 years.  Con and Dec - 'The Bachelors' are headlining the celebrations in Southsea in the South of the UK.   So.....I had to cut short my writing trip to Spain.  There are events and festivals all over the UK.

I've been writing my heart out in Spain...oh OK, I've been sitting in the blazing sun writing!  The biggest work I've ever undertaken: "57 Secrets of a Hit Record".  The result of 40 years of research, contributions from the greatest writers and Hit Makers.  It's taken me two years already to write and I would think I have another six months to go - plus recording all the interviews of the biggest names around, confirming every one of the 57 secrets.  Stunning material.

This month's thanks:

I have to thank Danny Taddei for a brilliant piece he sent me...as under.  I love stuff that makes me laugh out loud, and this did.  A lot of the terms will be a mystery to UK guys and Europeans but stick with it, you'll understand the meaning:

 36 RULES FOR BANDS

1. Never start a trio with a married couple.

2. Your manager's not helping you. Fire him/her.

3. Before you sign a record deal, look up the word "recoupable" in the dictionary.

4. No one cares who you've opened for.

5. A string section does not make your songs sound any more "important".

6. If your band has gone through more than 4 bass players, it's time to break up.

7. When you talk on stage you are never funny.

8. If you sound like another band, don't act like you're unfamiliar with their music (for instance: "Oh, does 'Rage Against The Machine' also do rap-rock with political lyrics?")

9. Asking a crowd how they're doing is just amplified small talk. Don't do it.

10. Don't say your video's being played if it's only on the 'Austin Music Network'.

11. When you sign to a major label, claim to have inked the best contract ever. Mention "artistic freedom" and "a guaranteed 3 record deal".

12. When you get dropped insist that it was the worst contract ever and you asked to be let go.

13. Never name a song after your band.

14. Never name your band after a song.

15. When a drummer brings in his own songs and asks to perform one of them, begin looking for a new drummer IMMEDIATELY.

16. Never enter a "battle of the bands" contest. If you do you're already a loser.  [I love it!  Dec]

17. Learn to recognize scary word pairings: "rock opera", "white rapper", "blues jam", "swing band", "open mike", etc.

18. Drummers can take off their shirts or they can wear gloves, but not both.

19. Listen, either break it to your parents or we will: it's rock 'n' roll, not a soccer game. They've gotta stop coming to your shows.

20. It's not a "showcase". It's a gig that doesn't pay. [MY FAVOURITE....Dec]

21. No one cares that you have a web site. [Unless it makes you money....Dec]

22. Getting a tattoo is like sewing platform shoes to your feet.

23. Don't hire a publicist.

24. Playing in Portsmouth and Nashua doesn't mean you're on tour. [Whoops, playing Portsmouth (Southsea) tomorrow....Dec]

25. Don't join a cover band that plays Bush songs. In fact, don't join a cover band.

26. Although they come in different styles and colours, electric guitars all sound the same. Why do you keep changing them between songs?

27. Don't stop your set to ask that beers be brought up. That's what girlfriends/boyfriends are for.

28. If you use a smoke machine, your music stinks. [Whoops again....that hurts!  Dec]

29. We can tell the difference between a professionally produced album cover and one you made with the iMac your mom got for Christmas.

30. Remember: if blues solos are so difficult, why can so many 16 year olds play them? [Love that one.....Dec]

31. If you ever take a publicity photo, destroy it. You may never know where or when it will turn up.

32. Cut your hair, but do not shave your head.

33. Pierce your nose, but not your eyebrow.

34. Do not wear shorts on stage. Or a suit. Or a hat.

35. Rock oxymorons: "major label interest", "demo deal"," blues genius", "$500 guarantee", and "Fastball's second hit".

36. 3 things that are never coming back: a) gongs, b) headbands, and c) playing slide guitar with a beer bottle. [And Fender Twin Reverb Amps.?  Dec]
 

Again - thanks and respect to Danny Taddei for that...I have it framed!  It's wonderful.

Publishing Company Names:

There are so many who have started their own Publishing Companies through the 'Makehits' site that the questions flood in....the most common re. names.  check out this one:

"A quick question - As I plan to sing my own songs (hopefully)!  Should I put the publishing company under my real name, or can I use my 'performing name' ? I am registered with Equity as Holly Nicholls but would it cause complications with Inland Revenue etc.?"

As regards the name...I do give advice on that in the 'How To Start Your Own Music Company For Less Than £100' at www.makehits.co.uk/publishing.htm .

A 'today' trendy name is best but mindful of the fact that a 'today' name can be very 'twee' in ten years time. Short is best, unusual and memorable. I suggest writing down dozens and dozens of names on those address index cards you see in plastic boxes, in offices. One on each...then, in a few days, eliminate the useless ones, and by a process you will end up with the most exciting one.

Think on the lines of 'Big Pig Music'...'Rocket Music'...trendy when they started and still good today.  You get a good feel for names from the credits on CD's.  You also realise that EVERY major star today has their own Publishing Company, so easy to set up and can make a heap of money for you, that would go to the Record Company's Publishing Company otherwise.

There will be no complications with the Inland Revenue re. Income Tax as the tax on profits should be paid by the Publishing Company, whether it is a partnership or a Limited Company.  You will be responsible for your own tax re. partner's or Director's remuneration which you draw from the company.

a good way to look at a new Company is that if you actually get into a situation of having to pay additional tax then you are heading in the right direction.  it is important to have a goal of MAKING PROFIT and not just owning a Publishing #Company.

"A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of
your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat."
P. J. O'Rourke

"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."
Woody Allen